Hey everyone!
I’m so sorry that I haven’t written a blog post in forever. It’s been over a month! Time is going so fast and I wish it would really slow down – please and thank you!
Now I bet you’re wondering where I’ve been? Or maybe you’re just reading this because you’re being nosy – don’t worry, I’d be doing the same. Believe it or not, I’ve been busy! Busy being stressed with uni work and deadlines and sorting my life out. You know, the usual.
Last week I had two essays due in and, somehow, I managed to survive. I didn’t have any (serious) breakdowns – tiny little hiccups here and there but nothing major. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I was extremely organised with my work because I wasn’t. But boy was I so much better than I was in first and second year. I managed to sort both of my essays out before the deadline and handed them in way before they were supposed to be in. I’m quite proud of myself, if I do say so myself.
However, if I’m being honest, its not like I haven’t had the time to write more blog posts because I barely have any contact hours so I’m home a lot. So really I have no excuse for the lack of posts, but really I do. I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’ve been well and my mental illnesses have just disappeared and that I’m all fine and dandy – I would be telling a massive lie. I’ve actually been super stressed and, honestly, quite an anxious mess. I know my last blog post was really positive, uplifting and (potentially) motivational and I know loads of my friends and family were incredibly proud of me, but my life hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies – it’s been really challenging.
Somehow I’ve been attending all of my lectures and seminars which is really good for me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m okay on the inside. If you know me really well, you’ll know that I’m a really good actress when it comes to pretending I’m okay – if I’m a master at anything, it’s definitely that! Everyday I wake up and life seems like a chore, I don’t see any point in the day at all. I’m not sleeping very well at the moment and I’m so exhausted that I can barely concentrate on everyday life. It’s not like I’m going to bed late, I’m in bed by 10:30 almost every night?! I don’t get it, I just can’t sleep!! (If you have any tips on how to fall asleep, please let me know! I have a technique that usually works but for the past few weeks it’s taking a lot longer than usual!)
My life seems to be really up and down at the moment. I know that’s totally normal, nobody has a perfect life that is always positive all the time. However, mine seems to go from one extreme to the other; one day I’m on top of the world and the world is my oyster, I do loads of work and go to my dance classes etc. But then it seems like the next day I’m the lowest of the low – I don’t leave my bed, I barely eat anything and I just want to cry all the time. It feels like the world is closing in on me and I can’t get out of that mindset.
I put together a little example to show you what I mean. The graph above shows how people’s mood changes (FYI this is not the case for everyone all the time, it happens to everybody at some point in their lives. Unfortunately for me, this is happening more frequently than others!). Let’s say, at the start of the week your mood shoots up – this could be because you saw your friends and had a good time. All of a sudden your mood drops completely, causing you to be in total limbo. The next day, however, things start to look up – maybe you wake up and realise that life isn’t so bad. As the week progresses, your mood gets getting better and better until – oops – life is all crappy again. The same things continues, your mood just goes up and down and up and down, etc. My point here is, life isn’t going to be a straight line going straight up; there are always going to be ups and downs. Nobody has a perfect life! I try to remind of this graph when I’m having a bad day, to make myself realise that tomorrow might be a good day and also to put things into perspective.
However, I’m still here – I’m still fighting my way through those damn awful days and making it out the other end! Even though it seems like the end of the world at the time, I’ve miraculously got my way through it (with the help of my boyfriend, I genuinely wouldn’t be here without him!).
I’m still on my journey to recovery and I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. I’m still trying to challenge my anxieties and little phobias, one step at a time. My therapist has been so encouraging and informative about what I should and shouldn’t do. It’s been so hard to follow her tips and tricks but, at the end of the day, I’ve learnt that I’m the only one that can help myself – my boyfriend can’t do it for me. I’m in control of my life, not him.
So I guess the moral of this story is that you are bound to have good and bad days, from one extremity to the other – but try not to get too bogged down about it! I’ll let you into a little piece of advice that my boyfriend has been telling me every time I’m down in the dumps… If you’re having a bad day, or maybe you’re going through a really stressful time at the moment, just remember that it’s’ only a short period of your entire life. Looking at the bigger picture, this period of time isn’t going to be important in, say, a year’s time. When you put things into perspective, it really makes you realise that there is so much more to life than being miserable and stressed out. It isn’t easy, but it’s a step in the right direction!
As always, feel free to get in contact with me if you are going through any of the same things as me – I’m more than happy to help in any way that I can!
Thank you for reading! 🙂
Hannah x
Hannah's Blog 