Facing My Fears

‘New year, new me!’ – something that we have all heard or many even said at some point in our lives. Well, now it’s my turn to say it and truly mean it.

I know what you’re thinking, “but Hannah, it’s the end of September not January?!” It may not be a new year, but it’s a new academic year for me. This time, I’ve actively made some changes in my day-to-day life, some of which may seem completely ludicrous to many of you. They may be simple, little changes, but for someone with social anxiety they are huge steps. So here is a list of the few things I’ve started doing, and hopefully by telling everyone that I’ve done them it will force me to continue doing them…

I’ve joined the gym. To those of you who actually know me on a personal level are probably laughing at me right now – don’t worry, I can’t picture myself at the gym either. My boyfriend is a persistent gym-goer and so I thought that when he goes to the gym, maybe I could go too?! In order to motivate myself toactually go, I went out and bought some brand new gym clothes, a new gym bag, a sports bra and a new water bottle. I feel like one of the best ways to encourage yourself to go to the gym is to get new things so you can ‘show them off’ in some way. You’re not going to show them off by lounging around in the house in them are you?!

I went to three dance classes this week by myself. From the age of 3, I’ve loved to dance. I had ballet classes every single week until I was 12, and had a few tap and jazz classes along the way. When I reached 12, my dance school unfortunately shut down and I never joined a new school. As it’s my final year of uni, I decided that I was going to make the most of my free time (I do a Philosophy degree, I barely have any contact hours!) and try some of the dance classes out. Although the very first class was absolutely terrifying and I nearly chickened out, it was so so fun. I won’t lie, half way through I thought I was going to pass out because I was so anxious, but I let go of my safety behaviours and I persevered and continued on. By the end of the class, I was so proud of myself for even going, let alone completing the class. It made me motivated to go to another class, and then another. Some of the classes may have been difficult, and if I had gone to them this time last year, I would not be going back. But this year, new Hannah has decided to keep going to them so that I improve and get fit!

I walked into town and went shopping by myself. This one may seem really stupid to most of you as I bet you all go shopping by yourselves all the time. Considering it’s my third year of living in Canterbury, I’ve never ever walked into town by myself or gone shopping to Tesco by myself. Today I decided to face one of my biggest fears and I did it! And guess what? I was completely fine!! I have no idea what I’ve been worrying about for all these years! Being able to accomplish this silly little task has made me feel so much more confident about myself and my anxiety. In order to get myself used to it, I’m going to make it a weekly task of mine so that I get into the habit of doing it. I’ll keep you all updated!

My long walk into town, just before the heavens opened and drenched me!

And now for my biggest achievement of the week: I raised my hand in class and asked a question! Again, another simple task to many of you – but for me this is one of the hardest things ever. I understand that speaking in public is something that loads of people struggle with, but for me, even just introducing myself to the class makes my heart pound and makes me shake like crazy. Earlier this week, however, I didn’t even think about it – I simply just raised my hand and asked my lecturer a question. Nothing happened to me, nobody laughed at me – everything was perfectly fine! As soon as I got out of class, I ran home to my boyfriend’s house and jumped on him telling him my good news – and he was so proud of me. I also messaged my parents and my best friend to tell them, and all of them were so shocked and pleased! Even my therapist was over the moon for me. This was such a massive step in my life and to know that so many people were proud of me made me feel so good about myself. So what’s next? I have to try and do this every single week, and then gradually build it up until I never have to worry about it again! I know it’s not going to be as simple as it looks, but I’m really going to try.

I know these are only baby steps, but they have really made my week so much better. I’ve completely stepped outside my comfort zone and I haven’t regretted it once. Why don’t you give it a try? Have a go at doing something you wouldn’t normally do! (Don’t worry, I’m not telling you to go and jump out of a plane or anything – just something small!!)

Hannah x