2018: A Fresh Start

Hey everyone! And welcome 2018!

Happy New Year to you all! And I hope you had a lovely Christmas.

I don’t know about you, but I am SO thrilled that it is finally 2018. I’m not usually one for change but I couldn’t wait for 2017 to end so that I could start afresh with a new year. 2017 was such a challenge for me, and turned out to be one of the worst years of my life. However, it was also one of the best years of my life at the same time! I achieved so much that I never thought I would and I became friends with so many lovely people. I challenged myself to a lot and I came out the other side much stronger and, quite frankly, I’m so so proud of myself.

I know what you’re thinking and no, this isn’t going to be one of those stereotypical ‘New Year, New Me’ posts (at least, I hope it doesn’t turn into one). Instead, I’m going to share with you my aspirations for the new year and what I would like to have achieved. I know that some of these ideas are going to be almost impossible for me, but I’m going to at least try and attempt them!

I’m going to become a vegetarian and, maybe, eventually become vegan. I’m a 20 year old girl who has been a meat-eater her entire life, so you would think this change in diet would be really difficult for me. However, I’ve already started and it’s going SO well! I haven’t eaten a bit of meat for over 3 weeks now and I haven’t craved it in the slightest. I’m planning on staying vegetarian for a while until I think I’m ready to become vegan, as I’m a student and some of the required food I’d eat would be really expensive. I’m already half way there as I don’t drink cow’s milk and I very rarely eat cheese. I’ve been watching so many YouTube videos and documentaries on veganism and I feel so drawn to it. My two favourite YouTubers that I watch religiously are Sarah Lemkus and Ellen Fisher. They inspire me so much and I hope one day I may be able to ditch the butter and cheese!

I’m going to continue with my dancing, even after I graduate from uni. One thing I’ve noticed about my mood is that it gets better after I’ve done some exercise or danced. I started dancing again in September and it was really difficult for me at first, but I just can’t wait to get back into it after the Christmas holidays! I’ve been home alone for the past two weeks and I’ve just been pirouetting all around the house! Even though I’m not the best at it, I still love doing it. I want to continue doing it even after I graduate so that I can meet more people who love to dance like I do! Plus, it cheers me up and keeps me going – it gives me something to look forward to.

I’m going to *try* and get a first. Now, this one is one of the almost impossible ones that I briefly touched upon earlier and this all depends on my essay mark that I’ll get back on Monday. If I get a first in that essay, I think it’s very possible that I could achieve a first overall in my degree. That’s not to say that I won’t be happy with a 2.1, I would be over the moon! But I feel like deep down I know that I can put in the effort and work my butt off to get this grade, and I would just prove my anxiety wrong that I CAN do it if I put my mind to it!

Continue to practise my anxiety techniques to become stronger. I finish therapy in early February, so after that I’m all on my own with my anxiety. I have no professional to give me advice when I have a bad week or to tell me that I’m doing really well and I have no set homework that I have to do each week. I’m completely out there in the real world with just myself to depend on – but I know I can do it! I’m going to face new challenges as and when they come and try not to say no. I’m going to believe in myself that I can do anything if I just let myself try. My anxiety won’t be the boss of me anymore, the ‘real’ Hannah (as my therapist likes to call it) will finally take charge of my life!

I’m going to travel by myself more. This one is a really big one for me, but I did it last year so I know that I can do it again. Last year, I made the scariest trip of my entire life to Guernsey to visit my dad and step-mum. I had the choice to take a 3-hour cruise there or a 25 minute flight – so I think it’s pretty obvious which one I chose to do! (I picked the flight). I am absolutely TERRIFIED of flying – I hate the whole experience: getting to the airport, going through security, waiting around in the airport, queuing to get on the plane, waiting for take off, actual take off, etc. I think you get it – I HATE it! But, you know what, I did it. I flew all the way to Guernsey and back all by myself and I was perfectly fine. Yes, I was on the verge of breakdown on the plane, but yes, I got through it fine. The flight to Guernsey was the shortest flight of my life, so now I want to challenge myself to get a slightly longer flight. My best friend is doing the second half of her year abroad in Pavia, so I’m hoping to book a little trip to visit her sometime this year! Wish me luck!

All five of these aspirations may not be achievable, but they’re worth thinking about. Even if I come back in a year’s time and tell you that I’m now a meat-eater and I didn’t even get on one plane or I don’t dance anymore or I ended up getting a 2.1, it’s still nice to say at least I gave it a go and the idea was there! The only thing that is stopping me from achieving any of these goals is myself.

So what about you? Do you have any goals and aspirations for 2018 or any New Years resolutions? Are you vegan and have any dishes that you recommend I try? Let me know!!

I hope you have had a great start to the new year and continue to have the best year ever!

Thanks for reading,

Hannah x

How I Take Care Of My Anxiety At Uni

Hello again!

I promise not all of my posts are going to be about anxiety! It’s just something that is very current in my life at the moment, and if I can help even just one person who is going through the same thing as me then that would be amazing!

As I briefly mentioned in my previous blog post, I suffer from GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). Unfortunately, I also suffer from panic attacks and social anxiety – not exactly the best mix but hey ho. At times, university can be very challenging when my symptoms start to play up. There have been times where I haven’t gone to lectures, I’ve missed seminars, and sometimes I can’t even leave my house to go and get some milk. But somehow I’ve managed to deal with it. It may have been difficult, but I did it.

Luckily I’ve had two years worth of experience on how to get through uni with anxiety, so I kind of know what to do when I feel like it’s the end of the world. However, for those of you who suffer from similar things to me and are really struggling, or maybe you’ve just started uni and you’re feeling a bit anxious about it, here are a few of the little things I do to get myself through the week that maybe you could try…

Make a ‘chill’ playlist. When things start to get really overwhelming, you don’t want to listen to something really heavy. I usually save that for when I’m feeling frustrated or angry! For me personally, I find listening to peaceful, slow music really useful – I can breathe with the music and calm myself down. Grab a few songs that aren’t too sad (we don’t want to make you more upset!) and put them in a playlist. Then you’re good to go when you’re out and about or even just trying to chill in your room.

Here’s an example of my chilled playlist.

Go for a walk. Luckily, I’ve been blessed with living in the beautiful Canterbury. We have the best of both worlds here; we have a town with stunning architecture (if you haven’t been to the Cathedral, I really suggest you go!), we have a beach in Whitstable or Margate which is only a half an hour drive away, and we have fields and wooded areas to go and explore.

When I’m having an off-day, my boyfriend will make me shower and get dressed then we’ll go on an adventure! Sometimes we wait until about 10pm and go for a walk into town to the Cathedral. There’s nothing more stunning than the Cathedral at night! Other times, just before dinner, we’ll go into the woods just by our campus and we’d just walk and walk. We’d get lost and try to find our way back home. I’ve found that these types of activities provide great opportunities for you to talk to someone about how you’re feeling. I’ve had times where I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend how crappy I feel, but I find it too intimidating to tell him when we’re just sitting in a room alone. Being out in the fresh air and getting away from everything really helps! Why don’t you give it a try?

Find an activity that you enjoy and do it! I love to play the piano, so when all my housemates are out at lectures it’s the perfect opportunity for me to have my own little concert in my room. I’ve always found playing the piano really calming; I love learning new songs and practising them. Another thing I’ve found that gets my mind off everything is drawing. Whether it’s doodling or painting a proper picture, it distracts you and gets you to focus on something else for an hour or two. If you like to go to the gym, then do that! If you find it stress-relieving to go for a run, then why don’t you try that! There are so many things you can do to help you relax – you just need to find something that works for you. It may take some time to find out what it is, but believe me, it’s so worth it once you’ve found it.

Have a chat with your friends. Sometimes I find myself feeling really overwhelmed and trapped in my room. So, instead of sitting in there by myself and crying, I would go and knock on my housemate’s door and just talk about anything. There have been times where we’ve sat up until 3am talking about random crap – but it definitely got my mind off everything! If you don’t feel like talking, why don’t you watch a film or a TV show? Another thing me and my housemate would do is bake some cupcakes, or take those silly Buzzfeed quizzes to find out what Disney Princesses we are!

Just remember, you are not alone in this. Your friends are there to help and support you. They might even be feeling the same as you and you may not even know!

Call up your parents or siblings, or any other family member. My family have been really supportive through all my good and bad days. When I have a good day, I tell them about it. When I have a bad day, I tell them. There have been thousands of occasions where I’ve been terrified to call my parents to tell then how terrible I feel, but then I remember that they’re not going to be angry at me. Why would they be? When I would finally build up the courage to call them, they would just sit there and listen to me and give me a little pep talk! Your family love and support you more than you think. Sometimes your friends may be out or at lecture, so why not give someone in your family a call?

Keep organised. This may seem like quite an effort, but it’s so worth it. If you organise your work and your time well, then you’ll be less stressed and, consequently, your anxiety will be more manageable. I know from experience that when I’ve left work until the last minute, I am a complete mess. I can’t tell you how many breakdowns I’ve had! Some of the ways to avoid this nightmare are:

1. Write a list of all the things you have to do for that day
2. Make sure you’re only writing up to 5 things on your list – don’t write 100 things to do as you’ll never do them all, only having 5 things makes everything a lot easier
3. Only do one thing at a time – doing more than one can cause you to over-stress yourself!
4. If you find that you’re struggling to do something, due to lack of motivation or something, take a break! No one’s brain can function for hours on end – everybody needs a break
5. Then just tick them all off your to-do list when they’re done (one of the most satisfying things EVER!)

And finally, use the university’s facilities. One thing that I’ll never forget my mum telling me is that the university has a support team for a reason – they’re there to help you! At my uni, they have a drop-in service from 2-4pm every single day. So if you’re feeling really overwhelmed and are in complete limbo, you can go to the drop-in service and talk to someone. Have a look at your uni’s website to see if they have something similar, it may just help! Or maybe speak to your academic advisor or your teacher if you’re really struggling. They will definitely get you into contact with the right people if and when you need it.

I know how it feels to be in a complete state of uncertainty and not know what to do or where to go. So hopefully some of the things I’ve said may help you or guide you in what to do next!

Please feel free to reach out and ask me any questions. I’m more than happy to help!

Hannah x